Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close
Don't patronize
Don't patronize me
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
But you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me
Morning will come
And I'll do what's right
Just give me till then
To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
But you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
Friday, September 16, 2005
I Will Give Up This Fight
The Right One at the Wrong Time
Got this article from an email forward today... Very interesting (right timing perhaps??). Let's see... What's happening?? Is this a sign? A bad sign that I wish not to know sometimes. Or do we just choose what we want to read and believe... Well, believe in whatever that makes you happy! That's how it's done!!
Well, have a good read...
-> -> -> -> -> -> -> ->
When Mr Right Comes at the Wrong Time (author unknown)
Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.
Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.
A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.
'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.
But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.
And then love passes by.
Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.
We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight.
He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious.
I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.
I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.
Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.
But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.
My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church.
He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.
In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enroll for a Christian marriage preparation course.
Yes, I did often fantasize about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.
And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.
So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. = Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?
In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.
The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.
I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.
He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.
The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.
I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.
I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.
Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.
But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.
The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.
If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only...what feeble words.
These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.
Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.
But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did.
Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
Well, have a good read...
-> -> -> -> -> -> -> ->
When Mr Right Comes at the Wrong Time (author unknown)
Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.
Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.
A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.
'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.
But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.
And then love passes by.
Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.
We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight.
He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious.
I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.
I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.
Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.
But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.
My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church.
He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.
In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enroll for a Christian marriage preparation course.
Yes, I did often fantasize about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.
And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.
So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. = Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?
In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.
The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.
I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.
He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.
The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.
I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.
I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.
Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.
But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.
The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.
If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only...what feeble words.
These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.
Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.
But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did.
Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
Miss Malaysia/World 2005
Was at Shangri-La for the pagent that night... My 3rd time out there... interesting, interesting... Check out the winner of Miss Malaysia/World 2005 - Miss Emmeline Ng.
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/9/9/nation/11997575&sec=nation
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/9/9/nation/11997575&sec=nation
Thursday, September 15, 2005
In a Relationship
News have it that LLBQ is attached now... WTF?!?!?!!!! I can't believe this.. don't tell me it's the MORON! How crazy can it be? How blur can someone be? How? How? How?? Just keeping my fingers crossed it's not true. Well,.. it's been almost 3 months since we last communicated. Distance sucks. Neither one of us wanting to initiate anything sucks more. So tell me people.. WHAT CAN I DO???!!!??
Friday, September 02, 2005
Why Blogs..?
I recently noticed many friends of mine has blogs too... How interesting.. Reading about their lives, issues they face with etc... Can get really exciting!!! But do people ever post their secrets when their friends knows about their blogs? Nah... it's more of what you want people to read. None of my friends know of my blog here... I like to keep it open... Open for the rest of the world to see and read but without my knowledge or people who knows me personally know. Sometimes you just want to speak your mind out and not having to answer to people's questions! And nicely ranted... Now, wtf is wrong with everyone today!!!!???
Oh well... Anyway, quote of the day:
"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you. - Vipin Sharma"
Oh well... Anyway, quote of the day:
"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you. - Vipin Sharma"
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Careful With My Heart
Song of the moment:
Please Be Careful With My Heart - Jose Mari Chan + Regine Velasquez
R: If you love me, like you tell me
Please be careful with my heart
You can take it just don't break it
Or my world will fall apart
You are my first romance
and I'm willing to take a chance
That till life is through
I'll still be loving you
I will be true to you
Just a promise from you will do
From the very start
Please be careful with my heart
J: I love you and you know I do
There'll be no one else for me
Promise I'll be always true
For the world and all to see
Love has heard some lies softly spoken
And I have had my heart badly broken
I've been burned and I've been hurt before
So I know just how you feel
Trust my love is real for you
I'll be gentle with your heart
I'll caress it like the morning dew
I'll be right beside you forever
I won't let our world fall apart
From the very start
I'll be careful with your heart
R: You are my first (J: And you are my last) romance
R: And I'm willing to take (J: I've learned from the past) a chance
R: That till life is through
T: I'll still be loving you
R: I will be true (J: I will be true) to you
R: Just a promise from you (J: Only to you) will do
R: From the very start (J: From the very start)
R: From the very start (J: From the very start)
R: From the very start
Please be careful with...(J: I'll be careful with...)
(J: your) (R:my)
T: heart....
Please Be Careful With My Heart - Jose Mari Chan + Regine Velasquez
R: If you love me, like you tell me
Please be careful with my heart
You can take it just don't break it
Or my world will fall apart
You are my first romance
and I'm willing to take a chance
That till life is through
I'll still be loving you
I will be true to you
Just a promise from you will do
From the very start
Please be careful with my heart
J: I love you and you know I do
There'll be no one else for me
Promise I'll be always true
For the world and all to see
Love has heard some lies softly spoken
And I have had my heart badly broken
I've been burned and I've been hurt before
So I know just how you feel
Trust my love is real for you
I'll be gentle with your heart
I'll caress it like the morning dew
I'll be right beside you forever
I won't let our world fall apart
From the very start
I'll be careful with your heart
R: You are my first (J: And you are my last) romance
R: And I'm willing to take (J: I've learned from the past) a chance
R: That till life is through
T: I'll still be loving you
R: I will be true (J: I will be true) to you
R: Just a promise from you (J: Only to you) will do
R: From the very start (J: From the very start)
R: From the very start (J: From the very start)
R: From the very start
Please be careful with...(J: I'll be careful with...)
(J: your) (R:my)
T: heart....
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I'm So Ronery... So Very Ronery..
Finally found the time to settle my mind and write... It's been 2 months since I last saw LLBQ. She came back to KL to sort some stuff out before moving back to start her school. Yea.. She's doing school in order to get her PRship. Why the sudden move? Well, I'm still wondering myself. Also found out that the moron moved there too. He sure is trying his best (or worst of him?!) to push his way back in. I don't care. What goes around comes around. And I truly believe in that.
Neither of us has made a move yet. We spoke just before she boarded the plane. That was the last. No calls, no sms, no emails, no chats. What's going on? I dunno either but I just think it's fair she makes the move. The one month she was back here, we shared so many phone calls. Some were great and fun conversations. There's just so much that we have. Some are just arguements... It has to happen... well, things are unsettled and in some way, things are still unsettled. Well, there are so much closeness... The sparks are still strong.
We met once. It was a short meeting. We just casual chat cause her sister was around as well. When we walked to the car, we said our goodbyes. I could sense that she want more than that. Maybe a hug. Maybe a kiss. I felt the same too. But neither one of us were willing to make the first move. So what do we do? We looks straight into each other's eyes... the glitter, the wetness.. and just said "bye" once more... and walked...
Now how can it all happen again? I don't have the answer. I wished I did. I'm not going to find the way. The way will present itself cause I do believe in faith. It brought us together before. It will lead us. Whatever gain the Moron has, it's him. It would not go far. I'm sure of that.
For now, I got a life to live. Live on people.
Movie of the Year: Team America
Yea... I needed the laugh desperately!
Neither of us has made a move yet. We spoke just before she boarded the plane. That was the last. No calls, no sms, no emails, no chats. What's going on? I dunno either but I just think it's fair she makes the move. The one month she was back here, we shared so many phone calls. Some were great and fun conversations. There's just so much that we have. Some are just arguements... It has to happen... well, things are unsettled and in some way, things are still unsettled. Well, there are so much closeness... The sparks are still strong.
We met once. It was a short meeting. We just casual chat cause her sister was around as well. When we walked to the car, we said our goodbyes. I could sense that she want more than that. Maybe a hug. Maybe a kiss. I felt the same too. But neither one of us were willing to make the first move. So what do we do? We looks straight into each other's eyes... the glitter, the wetness.. and just said "bye" once more... and walked...
Now how can it all happen again? I don't have the answer. I wished I did. I'm not going to find the way. The way will present itself cause I do believe in faith. It brought us together before. It will lead us. Whatever gain the Moron has, it's him. It would not go far. I'm sure of that.
For now, I got a life to live. Live on people.
Movie of the Year: Team America
Yea... I needed the laugh desperately!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Best I Ever Had...
How do I regard LLBQ? To me, she's the best I ever had. I love the way she walks, the way she moves, the way she sleeps, the way she eats, and every other way she is and especially the way she loves me. No one loves me like she does and it is really heart warming to know that. Though she's so many thousand miles away right now, I just miss her presence so much. It's only been 3 weeks since she's gone...
Why is she the best I ever had? The amount of joy that we share is unamountable. We karaoke a lot together and absolutely love the moments we shared. We can just dance the night away and being silly with each other. We go for holidays and have the happiest and funniest moments. We make love till even the house goes on fire, we'll still be making love. The passion, the love, the care is tremendous.
But why are we apart? Is it merely the lies that were created out there about us? She's confused... Really confused. I've never meet anyone that I wanted to be with so much. And she does too. But all the lies that bombard her, it made her run. I believe she ran. Coz she wanted us so much and now, it's kind of hard to have us.
It's all weird but I believe in fate. We met. Seperated once before. Got back in the most unbelieable and unexpected way. And now we are seperated again. Evil has its way. Definately someone doesn't want us to be together and we know so well who he is as mentioned in the earlier blogs.. but let him.
Now is to wait for fate to hit again.
Watch Before Sunset.
Why is she the best I ever had? The amount of joy that we share is unamountable. We karaoke a lot together and absolutely love the moments we shared. We can just dance the night away and being silly with each other. We go for holidays and have the happiest and funniest moments. We make love till even the house goes on fire, we'll still be making love. The passion, the love, the care is tremendous.
But why are we apart? Is it merely the lies that were created out there about us? She's confused... Really confused. I've never meet anyone that I wanted to be with so much. And she does too. But all the lies that bombard her, it made her run. I believe she ran. Coz she wanted us so much and now, it's kind of hard to have us.
It's all weird but I believe in fate. We met. Seperated once before. Got back in the most unbelieable and unexpected way. And now we are seperated again. Evil has its way. Definately someone doesn't want us to be together and we know so well who he is as mentioned in the earlier blogs.. but let him.
Now is to wait for fate to hit again.
Watch Before Sunset.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Bon Vovage...
It's a happy day yesterday! Well LLBQ left for Australia. Not that I want her to leave... But I surprised her... She was flying from Penang to Singapore to Melbourne. I flew to Penang from KL to meet her in the departure area. Well, my flight got delayed 3 times but I eventually made it. Got there early. Sat there with the farewell gift. She walks right in,... I quickily stood up along the walk way where she'll be passing by... She looks up the noticed board to find her gate. Turns around and walks towards my direction... Looks up. Glance away. Looks again. She stops,... gave a loud shocked sound scaring the people around her... I just stood there smiling... Walks towards her. She was speachless. We huged. She can't believe her eyes. Finally she got her composure... We walked... sat down and talked... It was nice. Gave her the gift.. She puts it in her bag... still shocked... It was nice. We talked a bit. Finally it came to a time when she has to board her flight. It's sad to watch her go but I'm happy I saw her.. We left on a great note. She sms later. When she arrived at Singapore, she even called... Happy... Happy...
Friday, April 01, 2005
Melbourne? A Place to Escape.
Melbourne. A place to escape? LLBQ said she's moving Melbourne. And she's leaving next week! What a surprise. I couldn't believed it when i heard it. Do people just make jumps just like that? Well, she claims it has always been her dream. Well, she visited Melbourne once for a month and really enjoyed herself. But being on holiday and living there permanently is 2 different things! But I guess something must be the driving force for LLBQ. I believe it's the ex. Let's call the ex Fucking Moronic Ex-Boyfriend (FMEB). FMEB has been convincing to move there. He is planning to move there too. It'll be a good way for FMEB to keep LLBQ far away from her family. LLBQ's mom disagree with him and their relationship. Also, FMEB is a hopeless bump in Malaysia. And going to Australia, he can live off whoever... possibly LLBQ. That's what I think. I'm pretty sure I'm correct too. I do know LLBQ's dream is to open a restaurant. And she always wanted to live in Melbourne....
Only time will tell if that is one's dream or not. Sometimes I feel it is a place to escape. A way to get away from it all. Can we just stay put in one place? We can unless things are not working out for us. For LLBQ, she does not like acting and being a talent anymore... I understand coz it's time consuming and gets really boring after a while. The money is just ok. And what's worst... someone she love has to deemed as a lying cheating bastard. Ya, that's me... that's what FMEB is saying or so he claims what others are saying. And with all these girls calling LLBQ about it, she's super confused. What can I say? I wish she beleived in me more than that. That's why I think the previous post does hold some ground. Sigh. I'm not gonna pursue the matter coz I didn't do anything wrong. It's quite unfair if you ask me. How can it be fair when a person gets accused of doing something he did not do...
Well,... Melbourne... you might just see me there one fine day. One fine day.
Only time will tell if that is one's dream or not. Sometimes I feel it is a place to escape. A way to get away from it all. Can we just stay put in one place? We can unless things are not working out for us. For LLBQ, she does not like acting and being a talent anymore... I understand coz it's time consuming and gets really boring after a while. The money is just ok. And what's worst... someone she love has to deemed as a lying cheating bastard. Ya, that's me... that's what FMEB is saying or so he claims what others are saying. And with all these girls calling LLBQ about it, she's super confused. What can I say? I wish she beleived in me more than that. That's why I think the previous post does hold some ground. Sigh. I'm not gonna pursue the matter coz I didn't do anything wrong. It's quite unfair if you ask me. How can it be fair when a person gets accused of doing something he did not do...
Well,... Melbourne... you might just see me there one fine day. One fine day.
True or Not True?
Ryan Cabrera got the song right for my situation right now... Emailed it to LLBQ. She didn't even bother to respond. How about that!!! It's ok. As long as I like the song. Here's the lyrics...
True - Ryan Cabrera
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me
you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmmm
I'm weak
it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true
you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true
True - Ryan Cabrera
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me
you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmmm
I'm weak
it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
it's time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true
you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me
[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true
[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true
It's Been a While. Someone is Under a Spell!
It's been a while since I last blogged.... Why? There goes LLBQ. Again. That's right. I'm beginning to think there is a serious problem with LLBQ. I love the girl but the case of the ex is not exactly a good thing to have in building a relationship. She seems to trust what the ex says more than i do although it's so obvious that the ex is bullshitting. Any stable minded person can see that. Is LLBQ under a spell?
Is that even possible? Love spell? Tell me people... Tell me...
Is that even possible? Love spell? Tell me people... Tell me...
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