Just read about how I could email to a blog... And I'm trying this out to see if this works. A new relationship with my Blog is formed...
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
Carry Me Out in Your Arms
To my married and unmarried friends:
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, “You are the kind of man who best draws girl’s eyeballs.” Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, “Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.” Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t help doing so.
I moved Dew’s hands aside and said, “You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company.” Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, “He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together.” I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? “I’m serious.” I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
At that night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she
Didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, “He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?” This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, “I remember.” “You carried me in your arms,” she continued, so, “I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.”
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce,” she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “daddy is holding mummy in his arms.” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Let us start from today, don’t tell our son.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, “The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.”
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn’t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, “It seems not difficult to carry you now.”
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown fatter.” I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out.” He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, “Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.”
I held her tightly and said, “Both you and I didn’t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.”
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I’m serious.”
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. “You got no fever.” She said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew,” I said, “I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.”
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst out crying. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.”
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, “You are the kind of man who best draws girl’s eyeballs.” Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, “Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.” Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t help doing so.
I moved Dew’s hands aside and said, “You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company.” Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, “He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together.” I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? “I’m serious.” I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
At that night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she
Didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, “He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?” This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, “I remember.” “You carried me in your arms,” she continued, so, “I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.”
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce,” she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “daddy is holding mummy in his arms.” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Let us start from today, don’t tell our son.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, “The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.”
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn’t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, “It seems not difficult to carry you now.”
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown fatter.” I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. “Dad, it’s time to carry mum out.” He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, “Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.”
I held her tightly and said, “Both you and I didn’t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.”
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I’m serious.”
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. “You got no fever.” She said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew,” I said, “I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.”
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst out crying. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.”
Get Yourself Back
The goal is to get myself back... Reading the post on "How Can I Get My Partner Back?" I guess I would need to start with realigning my life. First action is to refocus. There are a few things that are important in my life. For example, focus on my career. I got a job and a few businesses on the side. How can I focus on it? Need to find new love in my career path. Either make a change or stay the same. If I keep doing what I always been doing, I'll keep getting what I always have been getting. And is that what I want? Hell no! So let's just say I'm sticking with the job for now. Bonus around the corner... :) As for the businesses, need to reposition myself. Looking into investing as well. Either real estate or commodities. But action will be taken soon. That's a matter on when.
Why do people focus on just career when hardest hit? That's my first thought too. Do we just want to hide? Human find things to keep them busy but we do not solve anything at the end of the day. We need to do things of our passion. What's my passion, I asked a couple of days ago? Well, I do know that the person I love is the biggest motivation and cheer factor for me. That's my passion. How do I align my passion to what I do in life? I can't be spending day in day out with the person I love. That's suffocated, ladies and gentlemen. Therefore, money came to mind. Money isn't my passion but it does provide me with the ability to do the things I'm passionate about eg. going places and having heaps of passionate activities with my loved one. Therefore, the focus is on money.
Also, would need to build a business where my loved one and I can participate in together. That would bring value and economics to the relationship. Though my potential life partner is not with me now, I need to GET MYSELF BACK! So whether Life Long Beauty Queen comes back or not, OR someone new comes along, I'll be ready. Ready to take on the world together... Yup!
Why do people focus on just career when hardest hit? That's my first thought too. Do we just want to hide? Human find things to keep them busy but we do not solve anything at the end of the day. We need to do things of our passion. What's my passion, I asked a couple of days ago? Well, I do know that the person I love is the biggest motivation and cheer factor for me. That's my passion. How do I align my passion to what I do in life? I can't be spending day in day out with the person I love. That's suffocated, ladies and gentlemen. Therefore, money came to mind. Money isn't my passion but it does provide me with the ability to do the things I'm passionate about eg. going places and having heaps of passionate activities with my loved one. Therefore, the focus is on money.
Also, would need to build a business where my loved one and I can participate in together. That would bring value and economics to the relationship. Though my potential life partner is not with me now, I need to GET MYSELF BACK! So whether Life Long Beauty Queen comes back or not, OR someone new comes along, I'll be ready. Ready to take on the world together... Yup!
Relationship is the Topic of Quarter 2004
Why relationships? Simple. We are involved in it all the time. Unless you live all by yourself... Even that, you have a relationship with the environment around you. But something, somehow, I got this feeling for a long term life partner relationship. It must has been my recent relationship with this girl. Let's call her "Life Long Beauty Queen" or LLBQ. Well, LLBQ has shown me how a relationship should be. LLBQ lived with me, took care of me. LLBQ loved me so much, I even felt a slight suffocation but I was so in love with LLBQ as well that it didn't matter. What turn out of it is that we great so much into each other in such a short period of time. Since we lived together, I had a taste of how a life long partnership would feel like. Is this marriage syndrome? I don't know. Maybe it is. However, we are not together now. It's a seperation. Yup. Other issues fell into place. That's another story all together. Will not dwell into it as of now coz a lot of things is still not perfect closed.
Now that leads me to what consist of a relationship? Tell me. I would like to know too. I've been doing a lot of reading on relationships etc... Thanks to John Gray, I've picked up a few good thoughts and will continue to build on them and grow. Will blog it here once I have a great material to share. But I do recomend, "What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know"... It's a great read aside from the all popular "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". In fact, I find the Mars Venus book more general and a good start. The Mother Father book would be something more illustrative and adaptable to my current situation - which is recently single after having the known most perfect relationship that I had.
Does anyone have any great comments to share on relationships? It's the topic of the quarter and I'll be posting more on it as I go along this search of understand women, relationships and life.
Now that leads me to what consist of a relationship? Tell me. I would like to know too. I've been doing a lot of reading on relationships etc... Thanks to John Gray, I've picked up a few good thoughts and will continue to build on them and grow. Will blog it here once I have a great material to share. But I do recomend, "What Your Mother Couldn't Tell You and Your Father Didn't Know"... It's a great read aside from the all popular "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". In fact, I find the Mars Venus book more general and a good start. The Mother Father book would be something more illustrative and adaptable to my current situation - which is recently single after having the known most perfect relationship that I had.
Does anyone have any great comments to share on relationships? It's the topic of the quarter and I'll be posting more on it as I go along this search of understand women, relationships and life.
How Can I Get My Partner Back?
I stumble upon this from Barbara De Angelis' website Q&A section... And it sure does make a lot of sense. Most people just whine and view it their own way... Me, I choose to read and learn, apart from the experiences I get...
Q: My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago because she said she wanted to date other people and needed some space. I still love her very much. How can I get her back?
A: You can’t. Your former girlfriend obviously doesn’t want to be with you right now. She’s not interested. She’s made that very clear. So as much as it hurts, and I know it does, you have to let go. You say you love her very much. Fine--then support her quest for happiness, even though it doesn’t involve you, and honor her wishes to not be with you. As difficult as this sounds, what are your true alternatives? There are none.
Let’s talk about you for a moment. You’re in love with someone who has rejected you, and are having a hard time getting over her. It’s no accident that you’re in this situation, and I’ll bet it isn’t the first time you’ve loved someone more than she has loved you. Please use this time alone to do some serious emotional work on yourself. You’re acting out a painful pattern, and even though you believe your troubles would be over if only your girlfriend would come back, that’s not the answer. You need to heal that insecure little boy inside you that doesn’t believe he’s lovable, and thinks he has to work really hard to get someone to care about him. Don’t make your goal getting her back--make it getting yourself back.
Q: My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago because she said she wanted to date other people and needed some space. I still love her very much. How can I get her back?
A: You can’t. Your former girlfriend obviously doesn’t want to be with you right now. She’s not interested. She’s made that very clear. So as much as it hurts, and I know it does, you have to let go. You say you love her very much. Fine--then support her quest for happiness, even though it doesn’t involve you, and honor her wishes to not be with you. As difficult as this sounds, what are your true alternatives? There are none.
Let’s talk about you for a moment. You’re in love with someone who has rejected you, and are having a hard time getting over her. It’s no accident that you’re in this situation, and I’ll bet it isn’t the first time you’ve loved someone more than she has loved you. Please use this time alone to do some serious emotional work on yourself. You’re acting out a painful pattern, and even though you believe your troubles would be over if only your girlfriend would come back, that’s not the answer. You need to heal that insecure little boy inside you that doesn’t believe he’s lovable, and thinks he has to work really hard to get someone to care about him. Don’t make your goal getting her back--make it getting yourself back.
Lepaker's Destiny
The lepaker has finally decided to make his mark in the blog world... A new greater life begins. The path has been set. The lepaker will shine... Let the Lepaker's Destiny begin...
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